Most days, my gaze is fixed, with contentment and certainty, on continuous applied activism – imparting peace, love, and compassion through my self-care, work, parenting, community, etc., in opposition to the evil works of the foul-hearted. Some days, I waver in my contentment, my spirit is incensed and I want to lose myself in a righteous bloodlust aimed to exterminate cruelty.

There have been more of the “some days” than I care to admit, in the last nine months. This morning I woke with a heart heavy with awareness of the many ways the vulnerable among us are having protections removed and their predators encouraged…empowered. I am tempted to hate the perpetrators, the complicit, the lazy, and the enabling. I am tempted to “fix” them. I am tempted to vomit foul words on everyone who looks like them. I am tempted to pray prayers for their painful affliction. I am tempted…

It is in my scramble for prayer intentions that I am made aware that my heart is being baited/led, not into a temptation of pleasure, but a temptation to hate. The indulgence of which leads to ugliness and leads to death – not for the evil foul-hearted – but for my heart, my peace, my body, and what I am cultivating for my generations to inherit. However, in my wavering contentment, I am never moved from my certainty.

White Supremacist Heteropatriarchy has been marching toward its death since its inception. Its purpose; to take with it as many of us as possible. It is without regard, has long arms, and is cannibalistic – it will eat its own. But is it not bigger than the Spirit of Love and Power and Sound Mind that was here before and will remain, that will not be consumed. This is the Spirit that dwells within me. I will not be consumed. With that Spirit, my heart is preserved another day. Another day is conserved to keep “most days” in the most with my gaze fixed.

I pray the perpetrators, the complicit, the lazy, and the enabling will feel the error of their hearts and actions burning through their conscience, their hearts, their bellies, and their bones – so intensely and clearly that they will know the only medicine is to make amends for the harm they have caused; dismantle their idols and systems, and restore the vulnerable to wholeness. I pray they crave that medicine more than the taste of being justified.

Here, Miss Celie comes to mind…

celie